An extraordinary discovery:
An extraordinary discovery: There are just as many idiots in the CNRS and in academia as there are in any other socio-professional category.
November 1, 2002
Thanks to the work of Wilfried Wurmstein and Laetitia Paparazzi back in the 1950s, it’s possible to classify individuals belonging to any given socio-professional category into several categories (known as “Wurmstein-Paparazzi categories”). These categories include:
- 5% of truly honest people, whose moral standards remain relatively independent of their environment or circumstances.
- 20% of selfish, manipulative individuals who care only about their own interests and would do anything to achieve them.
- 75% of indecisive people who can easily shift toward either of these extremes depending on circumstances and environment.
All subsequent studies have merely confirmed these results, showing remarkable consistency over time. In fact, all of modern human history revolves around this understanding of the Wurmstein-Paparazzi statistics.
It’s well known that many discoveries are simply the result of chance. Important discoveries can lie dormant for ages, while more perceptive or daring researchers might have uncovered them much earlier. A famous example involves the recent discovery of biomolecules in remote regions of space. Any chemical substance—be it a molecule or atom—can be identified through its “spectral signature.” Every substance has a characteristic spectrum, consisting of various lines. To detect such substances from afar using a telescope, one simply needs to use a filter that allows only those wavelengths corresponding to that substance to pass through. Naturally, hydrogen is the most abundant element in the universe, in all its forms (neutral or ionized). Helium gets its name from how it was discovered: as an unusual emission coming from the Sun (Helios in Greek). Researchers used this spectral filtering method to identify various atoms and even molecules like carbon dioxide. But it took decades before someone thought to look for organic matter between stars—something seemingly incongruous. The first biomolecule identified was urea. I have no idea who first thought to search for this component of urine by aiming a telescope at clouds of organic matter. But it’s definitely a historic discovery.
Since its development in the 1950s, the Wurmstein-Paparazzi test has been refined. Starting with five parameters, it now uses twenty-nine, though this hasn’t significantly changed the initial results. One of these parameters is the so-called “crowd factor.” Idiots exhibit a remarkable tendency to stick together; they readily identify with others like themselves. They can be compared to cells in sponges, whose effectiveness stems from their ability to cooperate. An idiot rarely stays alone for long; he quickly finds others like him and joins their group. Like any biological entity, these groups develop social immune responses to protect themselves from anything that threatens their unity. This shared characteristic is what gives them strength and cohesion: stupidity.
Wurmstein and Paparazzi were both sociologists. After years of applying their method to various groups—religious people, social workers, plumbers, politicians, etc.—they decided to study a group of 187 sociologists, a statistically representative sample. To their surprise, they found exactly the same distribution as before.
This result should have prompted further research. For some unexplained reason, it wasn’t until 2002 that Florent Marie, a student of Paparazzi, began investigating members of the CNRS. Some claim that Wurmstein, being a researcher at the CNRS, deliberately hindered this research, fearing it might jeopardize his promotion to senior researcher status. But these are mere speculations; other groups also remained unstudied due to sheer chance.
The results won’t surprise anyone. Florent Marie found that the percentage of idiots among researchers and administrators at the CNRS was virtually identical—within 0.2%. This raises the question: why these percentages (5-20-75)? Are they encoded in our genes? Is stupidity, like death, an inevitable phenomenon? Some even wonder whether we shouldn’t focus on finding signs of extraterrestrial stupidity instead of searching for intelligent alien life. Exo-ethnologists already ponder this:
“Do they have the same percentages?”
The general public has an idealized view of the scientific community, similar to how medieval peasants viewed religious communities. The CNRS, with its thirty thousand members, functions thanks to just five percent of them—1,500 people—who must counteract the actions of 6,000 idiots. Meanwhile, 22,500 others act as neutrals, supporting whichever side seems advantageous at any given moment.
Stupidity can be measured using the Wurmstein-Paparazzi test. Readers may be familiar with the Rorschach test, where subjects interpret inkblots. A less-known but similar test is Rosensweig’s test, which measures aggression levels. Subjects are shown drawings with accompanying texts, and they must provide appropriate responses.
Rosensweig Test
In the above drawing, a customer receives his watch back. He can respond in various ways, as defined by Rosensweig. Examples include:
“It doesn’t matter. Apologies for the inconvenience.” (intro-punitive response)
or:
“You’re responsible for ruining my watch.” (extra-punitive response)
Rosensweig designed this test to demonstrate the relationship between frustration and aggression. It’s interesting to note that he conducted this experiment on students at a high school near Cambridge. They were told the Queen would visit them, but on the day of the test, they learned the visit had been canceled. Their frustration led to highly aggressive responses.
The Wurmstein-Paparazzi test shares similarities with Rosensweig’s test, as both involve filling in blanks in diagrams. Here are two examples:
Wurmstein-Paparazzi Test
In the left diagram, a keen observer will recognize a microwave oven.
The Wurmstein-Paparazzi statistics can vary slightly, though this happens rarely. Some French industries show impressive results. For instance, France’s aerospace industry performs exceptionally well. We spoke with Mathias, who managed launches at Kourou, French Guiana. He said:
“We had only ten percent idiots.”
That’s quite a low figure!
For over ten years, I’ve worked with my colleague and friend Pierre Midy, a researcher at the CNRS. He’s incredibly productive. In a recent paper, Midy developed a fascinating method for calculating geometric problems involving spaces with more than four dimensions. These calculations involve tensors, which can be thought of as tables containing n x n elements (where n represents the number of dimensions). When working in ten-dimensional spaces, one must multiply two tables containing 100 elements each, resulting in 10,000 calculations. Such computations cannot be done manually. Midy utilized software like Maple to solve these complex problems. His work also contributes to understanding the increasing redshift of distant supernovae. His paper was accepted, and here’s the acceptance letter from Dr. Dolgov:
Dear Dr. Midy,
Your paper with J.-P. Petit “Scale invariant cosmology II: extra dimensions and the redshift of distant supernovae” is accepted for publication in International Journal of Modern Physics. The manuscript is sent to the Publishers.
With best regards,
Alexander Dolgov
INFN, sezione di Ferrara
Via Paradiso, 12 - 44100 Ferrara Italy
Email: dolgov@fe.infn.it
Translation (for those who don’t speak English):
Dear Dr. Midy,
Your article “Cosmology with Invariance of Scale: Extra Dimensions and Redshift of Distant Supernovae” has been accepted for publication in our journal, International Journal of Modern Physics. Your manuscript has been sent to the publisher.
Best regards,
Alexander Dolgov
At the Mannheim conference, Pierre Midy established connections with fellow scientists, including Professor Victor Pervushin from Dubna, Russia:
Dear Pierre,
Thank you for your paper. I’m sending you my own paper presented at Notre Dame; it provides a clear explanation of our findings regarding Conformal Cosmology. We’re eager to collaborate with you.
Best regards from Dubna,
Victor Pervushin
Translation:
Dear Pierre,
Thank you for your article. I’m sending you mine, presented at Notre Dame; it explains our findings regarding Conformal Cosmology. We’re ready to collaborate with you.
Best regards from Dubna,
Victor Pervushin
After reading these texts, one question arises:
Who, during summer 2002, removed the monthly research bonus of 2,000 francs from Pierre Midy’s salary?
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