Humor (Text)
Translated from French
Translated by Jean-Pierre Colas
Page created on January 31, 2006
To the technical support team. Dear sir,
A year and a half ago, I switched from my version “Fiancée 7.0” to “Wife 1.0”. I soon realized that this program launched an unexpected application called “Baby 1.0”, which takes up a lot of space on my hard drive. This application isn’t mentioned anywhere in the user manual. Additionally, “Wife 1.0” automatically connects to all other programs; it also starts automatically whenever I open any program, thereby rendering those programs unusable. Programs like “Beer-with-Friends 10.3” or “Sunday-Night-Football 5.0” no longer work. On top of that, from time to time, a hidden program (a virus?) called “Mother-in-Law 1.0” activates, causing system crashes or making “Wife 1.0” behave erratically. I can’t uninstall this program, which is very frustrating—especially when I want to run “Cuddle-Sunday 3.0”. Some functions in this program malfunction; for example, the command line “C:\Saturday-Small-Flute.exe” no longer works. I’m considering switching back to “Fiancée 7.0”, but the uninstallation process for “Wife 1.0” seems quite complicated. I can’t predict what effects it might have on other programs like “Baby 1.0”, which, I must admit, is quite useful. Can you help me?
A discouraged user.
REPLY
Dear customer,
Your problem is common among users. It usually stems from a fundamental misunderstanding: many users switch from any version of “Fiancée X.0” to “Wife 1.0”, thinking that “Wife 1.0” is merely a tool or entertainment program. But “Wife 1.0” is much more than that: it’s a complete operating system designed to manage and control all your applications. The same issue occurs with “Mother-in-Law X.0”. These are older versions from which “Wife X.0” was developed; they often cause compatibility problems. Hopefully, these programs get eliminated over time due to viruses. It’s not advisable to use the ESCAPE or DELETE keys too frequently; otherwise, you’ll need to enter the command “C:\sich_entschuldigen.exe/Blumen/all” to get the program working again. “Wife1.0” is an interesting program, but improper usage can lead to costly consequences. I recommend installing some additional software to make “Wife1.0” more efficient, such as “Flowers 5.0”, “Jewelry 2.3”, or “Club.Med-Stay 1.2”. You can also try “Yes-My-Love 8.0” or “You’re-Right-Darling 14.7”. These can be downloaded from the Internet and generally yield good results.
CAUTION:
Never install “Secretary_in_MiniSkirt 3.3” or “Little_Lover 1.1”. These programs won’t function within “Wife1.0” and could cause irreversible damage. In practice, “C:\Saturday-Small-Flute.exe” only becomes executable after other commands are executed, such as “C:\Abendessen_gehen.exe”.
Good luck.
August 29, 2005
Two crazy people meet. One holds an open fish can in his hands and says:
“I’ve got a proposition for you: go upstairs to the third floor, jump out the window, and land right into my can.”
The other replies:
“No way. I’m not stupid. If I jump, you’ll pull the can away!”
A husband, worried about his wife’s behavior:
“-Why don’t you ever tell me when you have an orgasm?”
“-Well, you never want me to call you at work…”
| Definition of a camel, according to Churchill: It’s a horse drawn by more than two people. |
|---|
| Definition of a camel, according to Churchill: It’s a horse drawn by more than two people. |
| The story takes place in Scotland. Workers are building a bridge below a hill. On the other side lives the last Scottish pterodactyl. At mealtimes, one worker takes his lunch from his bag. Every day, his wife prepares something special for him; he particularly likes ham sandwiches. But something goes wrong every day: as soon as the worker takes out his sandwich, the Scottish pterodactyl swoops down, snatches the sandwich, and flies away. After a week, curious and intrigued, the worker decides to climb the hill quietly. He approaches carefully, just after the pterodactyl steals his sandwich once again. What does he see? The creature opens the sandwich, grabs the ham with its beak, and throws it away. Then, after laying two slices of bread flat on the ground, butter-side down, it sits on them and slides down the hill, shouting: “This is life!” Jacques Richalet, Supaéro University, Class of 1961 |
|---|
| The story takes place in Scotland. Workers are building a bridge below a hill. On the other side lives the last Scottish pterodactyl. At mealtimes, one worker takes his lunch from his bag. Every day, his wife prepares something special for him; he particularly likes ham sandwiches. But something goes wrong every day: as soon as the worker takes out his sandwich, the Scottish pterodactyl swoops down, snatches the sandwich, and flies away. After a week, curious and intrigued, the worker decides to climb the hill quietly. He approaches carefully, just after the pterodactyl steals his sandwich once again. What does he see? The creature opens the sandwich, grabs the ham with its beak, and throws it away. Then, after laying two slices of bread flat on the ground, butter-side down, it sits on them and slides down the hill, shouting: “This is life!” Jacques Richalet, Supaéro University, Class of 1961 |
Back to New Features Back to Guide Back to Home Page
Number of visits to this page since February 6, 2006: